Like a bed of Roses there's a dozen reasons in this Gun

Can't make a wife out of a Whore.

2007-05-29T03:55:41Z

Just like a fairy tale. A day in my life where I can truly feel like a princess marrying, my true prince.

My dream wedding would be small, intimate and very personal. My wedding would probably take place at an ocean or a small church with beautiful stained glass windows and wooden pews or maybe even a candle lit wedding underneath the night sky, nature as our witness.

My wedding would be filled with my whole family and friends who supported me through out my life.

My wedding dress would be very modern and cutting edge. White as snow and elegantly graceful.

I can envision my shoes being glass slippers that shine so beautifully when I walk.

...And when I exchange my vows, I pray it will be through sickness and health.
Life and death…

I dream that I would only say it once my whole life but then again… It’s just a dream of what I envisioned.

And at the end of my tale, I will hopefully live happily ever after.

Beauty In The Breakdown!

2007-03-15T03:14:23Z

Someone asked me what was my definition of hardcore the other day.

So I replied...
My definition of hardcore isn't necessarily a certain band that outlines what "hardcore" really is. For me personally, it's all about a bands mentality and sound. In my life, hardcore IS aggressive vocals, truth, motivational lyrics and like-minded convictions. Hardcore is heart & soul.

First and foremost, I'm an individual.

I'm not confined to someone else's notion of what hardcore is.

I follow my heart and that's the beauty of it all.

autumnxmourning @ 2007-03-05T13:28:00

2007-03-05T18:42:40Z

Alone.

I'll weep for the sunlight.

For I know something must change.

Everyone always listens to the mistakes, expecting heartache.

Something true I have always lacked.

The missing pieces to the puzzle of my life.

In the quiet, on my knees.

I wait and spend precious time making up for all the pain.

Lifting myself out of the darkness, I fail.

but my door, it always stands open.

Closed, I have failed again.

See the sadness in my lips?

Heavy heart, empty eyes.

Maybe it's bad luck.

Bad Blood?

Two good souls, up at night.

Nothing in mind, out of sight.

We knew the day would come.

A smile bright as the sun.

Shine onto me.

Stranded in Bed with one thing in mind.

Cold touch, warm thoughts.

Intoxicating delights.
Oh I sleep and yet I seek.

Can we share the blanket while being a world apart?

Veiling myself in a black and white world.

Black is the language in which I speak.

Anointing all that makes me bleed.

It swells, seeps, beats with seduction.

I'm drunk from such treachery.

Poisoning the light inside of me.

Can't you see it?

The light branches out.

It dies.

Picked in advance by the hand of fate.

Sufficient doubt, such a sight to see.

The color in my eyes, tells me I'm too late.

I can never be saved.

Take my hand concept of beauty.

Am I worthy to be revitalized?

Lay with me as if it was never planned.

Whisper in my ear my very fate.

Tell me it's not too late.

Take my hand, set a place for me.

The distance of time is unknown, but you are reassured.

Explain to me a new found hope.

For I will open my eyes.

Color returns to my face.

My smile becomes real.

Light the path with the sun that rises.

I awake from a dream.

Alone.

-Kim

Panda Bear

2007-03-05T18:19:57Z

The emerald butterfly smiles, puts a cherry to my lips
so sweet, I lean my head back
The white cloak turnes black-I close my eyes like I was sleep. I can see your face
Past six miles into dark tropical sea, and light of the sunny meadow-through a window of a streetcar named desire. I can see your face
It happened that night
you were revealed-I reach out with a whisper but you arent there
A kiss across my forehead, I can breath again
The emerald butterfly smiles. But I know when its a dream. You were a dream that should not have been
A fantasy

by:Iza

My Heart bleeds No More

2007-02-04T19:40:14Z

I will promise myself I won't care
distracting myself from your stare.

...and I've seen this mistake once before
with your games I will never fall for

I wanted to tell you, what really happened,
but how do I explain this? How do I explain everything?

...and it's something you can't explain.
when I'm choking on words you'll never say.

I can see it in your eyes.
You're broken down. Your hands are tied.

Bound and gagged, I cannot move or speak
these things I want to say, I can't explain them anyway.

I've never been one to put my trust in.
When did I become so weak, or have I always been?

I won't leave this way again.
I won't leave this way.

Don't cut me down just yet, I'll make things right again
Don't close your blinds on me, on me...

If I can make myself believe,
I'll give you back what you took away.

It was yours, yours to begin with.

A shattered memory that you would stay.
Through thick and thin with me

I bet you believe, that I'm better off with you than someone else.

Tragic endings are your thing, you love them

I've hung up my guns.
I won't kill again.
-Silverstein

For those that have <3

2007-01-31T16:48:17Z

a free lesson on growing up
make the best of their worst
and never compromise what you feel is right
i make a point to be powerful when i speak
be the one that gives them nightmares when they sleep
never back down from anyone

a free lesson on growing up
never trust anyone to the point
where your backs exposed
every person i've ever known was a fake
and you'll see your closest ones go first
who needs enemies you've got friends

this is my vengeance for all the wrongs
you've formed against us
you always get me wrong
my whole existence revolves around the progress that we've made
i'll never be walked again

spare the lecture on what it takes to make a man
cause you're weak and i'm strong

i will never falter
i'll stand my ground
-A Day to Remember

Your convictions smell of treason.

2007-01-31T16:21:33Z

I've learned to let go

Here's a middle finger
Coming straight from Ar-i-zona
I appreciate your judgement
it's proved that I can't trust a word you say
those must be some pair of binoculars
that you see every move I make
so I'll never be a liar
but you'll always be two-faced

You'll get what's coming to you
You're blinded by your instincts
I'm not your fucking game
I'm not so easily beat

I'm looking down at this mess that you've made
and I can't believe that I stayed
So unhappy for so long
Where did I go wrong?
I've got to get out of this
my hand is on the handle
We're leaving everything behind
Goodbye for a lifetime

I'll rip that scandalous bitch in two
We'll bring the noise

Try to pretend that I never even knew your name
'cause everything you are disgusts me
(Too bad I can't turn back time)
So I wouldn't be here
what I'd give for you to disappear
so tell me how's your edge?

You've got nothing better to do
I know why you can't see straight
I thought you were better than this
but you're just like everyone else

Get low
Now I know who my friends are
I'm never coming home
-A Day to Remember

we'll lay in bags as dead as leaves all together for eternity.

2007-01-29T20:25:29Z

Now I do as I please, and I lie through my teeth.
someone might get hurt, but it wont be me.

no, it isn't so hard, to get close to me.
there will be no arguements, we'll always agree.
and i'll try and be kind, when i ask you to leave.
we'll both take it easy.

And decided the rest of her life from that point on would be a lie
She was grateful for everything that had happened
And she was anxious for all that would come next
But then she wept, what did you expect

Such is life, she often said
With one day leading to the next
You get a little closer to your death
Which was fine with her, she never got upset

Someone's eating at you
wakes you up in the night.
If you're digging the past,
who knows what you'll find.

But life's no storybook.
Love's an excuse to get hurt.
-Bright Eyes

Stretch MY Legs To Coffin Length

2006-12-24T11:09:30Z

Today my past
Has come alive to eat
All of the guts that I use to just keep my feet
Moving left and right
As my legs shake like trees
Oh how I curse the heavens for not taken me

GOD DAMN
This whole mess that’s me
I DON’T TRUST MYSELF
I’m in way too deep

And I awake
Much to my dismay
To find that I’m still staring at the same ceiling
I just wish once
I could get this right

And all I have is meaningless
And all I found is nothingness
-Senses Fail

Pathetic.. I know.

2006-12-20T11:27:11Z

You say it's only me, and, that I'm so perfect for you.
I don't want to try no more,
I don't want to make this right.

What could you be doing that is so much fun?
Without me by your side,
Without me by your side.
And, I will take a step back, and, I'll let you ahead,
And, I will take a step away, and, see if you come back,
Because there's no more trying to make this so right,
Theres no more trying,
Theres no more trying tonight.

We'll never be the same.
-The Early November

The Early Years(The Blood on My Hands)

2006-12-20T11:22:44Z

I've got a day and a reason
Why I should not believe in..anything, anymore
What's this for?
My time well spent
I've got all these memories that I cannot believe in
Cause I don't know where I've been all these years
All these years

And do you know this reason
I hope that you can see it cause I will not give up
And we all know what you've done again
I can see right through you
You're making your way over again..again

Two days after leaving and I don't have a reason to keep you from being here
I don't steer these thoughts away
I know that you know this but I could never get you to believe all my fears
Is this your clear?
I think so

And do you know this reason
I hope that you can see it cause I will not give up
and we all know what you've done again
I can see right through you
You're making your way over again..again..again..and again

And do you know this reason?
I hope that you can see it cause I will not give up
And we all know what you've done again
I can see right through you
You're making your way over again..again..again

And do you know this reason?
I hope that you can see it.
Cause I will not give up and we all know what you've done again
I can see right through you
You're making your way over again..
-The Early November

Your hazel eyes paralyze my senses

2006-12-19T09:16:26Z

Is she better off without me triggering these emotions and thoughts. We have a lot in common. The most painful thing about our conversations is the fact that we both had our first love at a very young age. We reminisce in the memory of losing our innocence at such a vulnerable stage in our life. It's a chapter that has been locked away. It comes to life when we talk about it. Is this healthy, because sometimes I feel as though I infect other people with my poisoned thoughts. Maybe she is better off. It's just been hectic around here lately. I just want to write off the bad conversations.. the bad memories.. the bad thoughts.. and the dead emotion around me. It's time to start a new chapter in my life.

Let me Sleep some more.

2006-12-16T12:05:34Z

holding my breath walking alone with you
i get to hear your voice again
if this is a dream maybe you'll stay with me
stay with me please stay with me

this is where we met
we're back here again

can you please keep talking to me now
tell me all about your new friends
and don't think i can't hear you now
i'm listening i'm listening

Love seems like a mess
when it won't let go of me
but when it's gone I don't feel
when it's gone
I don't feel alive
-Armor For Sleep

Your itinerary has changed.Please review the complete details below.

2006-12-16T00:35:42Z

Total distance: 1,940 mi away from Arizona.

Her eyes were beyond tears. She was the very picture of mourning.

2006-12-15T04:51:32Z

I won't pick out the lining of my coffin yet unless I am sure that color satin is me
Better yet go with crushed velvet, that way I'll be damn sure to enjoy eternity

My daily life writes the eulogy, engraved on tombstone diaries,
laid to rest with the passing of time

Seems to me that even love can die.

Can you taste my blood?
You knew that this would kill me.

I am the walking dead heartbreaker, my apologies.

I'm happy you'll never understand what
It's like to be trapped under six feet of solid glass,
I can see out, but no one gets in.

I used to be golden, a saint in a time of sorrow,
but then the turning came and I kissed the sun goodbye.
Don't you get it?

Undead or am I really dying
Who’s to say that this is eternity
Devoid of serenity

Here we go are all we all dead
What’s the stop?
Where’s the end?
What’s the stop?
Where do I end?

A wraith with an angel's body
A demon with a smile of gold

With flowers in her hair
I gazed upon with dead lovers eyes
She never looked so good
And I never felt so right

I'll never need to see the sun again
There's enough light in your eyes to light up our little world.
So take me, take my away.

Kill me slowly, I'll never be the same

The bite marks on my neck never felt so good.
I'm losing control and it's all that I can do
Not to blackout and fall into lust with you

Your kisses infect me
The dark gift is loving you

And I feel immortal and I want to make you feel the same
So stand by me as we immulate
We can burn in each other's arms

I'm taking blood oaths

I feel it welling up inside and Robert Smith lied, boys do cry
...and with blood tears in my eyes.

I'm an Anne Rice novel come to life
I can't hide the monster anymore

Into something the mirror doesn't recognize
I metamorphasize.

The darkness has been biding its time
To claim its latest victim

Fresh meat for carnal desires
To become what I became
I viewed the sun for the last time.

Will you still hold me when you see what I have done?
Will you still kiss me the same when you taste my victim's blood?
So crimson and red, I feel it flowing from your lips
My heart is dead and so are you.

I'll wipe the blood from my cheek and get on with my day
And all I have is hope, and all I need is time.

Will anyone remember my name?
When time has washed away the dust of our ashes
When my head rests in a velvet lined casket

What's out there?
What is my eternal fate?

And it only just recently hit me
That this life is just a state
Mortality fading, like the innocence of love.

I'm scared to death of what's to become
All those things that you couldn't say
You should've said
All those I-love-you's lost

Weighed more like lead on your chest.

I'm tying you up, using the nicest lace
Trying to kill you softly, trying to erase your face

Am I being too cryptic?
Am I being too obscure?

Love kills, romance is dead
And I don't even trust myself
But I love you
-Atreyu

Quit Your Life

2006-12-15T04:37:59Z

"Begging for you hands.
Screaming at your face.
Come with me Kid... We'll leave this place.

...So as my fingers curl, I move my lips just so you wont have to.
Dammit you clever girl, your style is keeping us from sleep."

So give in, let's give in.
-Lydia

These days have been full of sleep and a vision that plays memories over again and again inside of my head.
I sleep to shut out everything but yet I still dream of painful things.
I love my friends and I love my family but sometimes I just wish I could disappear.

No one will see me.
No one will hear from me.
No one will have to bother with me.

A vacation away from the world.

Wouldn't that be nice?

I'm going to lay down and read a book. I find it to be very relaxing.

Random Thoughts..
I can't wait to go back to school and get a degree in Anthropology Forensics.
I'm leaving soon to North Carolina on January 4th.
I love Christmas Lights.

Okay I Believe You, But My Tommy Gun Don't...

2006-12-14T07:45:25Z

I have no inspiration for creativity these days.
Hopefully you can dig into your heart for a helping of forgiveness.
I'm simply busy seeking knowledge and find nothing but experiences that leave me bitter and pre-occupied. The truth of reality has never been so harsh. I've come to find an empty heart with too many rooms. Love is an afterthought of a dreadful memory. I find myself walking in circles.. repeating the same steps, hearing the same lines and falling for it every time. Head Over Heels for misery. I can't even think of a time where it ended happily ever after. It just ended. Left with nothing but harsh feelings, vindictive words and a loss of hope. I sleep away my emotion so I can't feel, think or remember. I have sadly loved and sadly failed. I've sadly cried and asked why?.

I keep my friends close and my family closer.

Bleeding For A sXe Heart

2006-01-06T07:00:12Z

I don’t ever want to be like them.
Always and never going to give in.

I’m proud of the choice I make.
Another mistake, I don’t think I can take.

Living my life one step at a time.
I don’t need sex, drugs, and alcohol to feel fine.

I’m an individual who stands against the norm.
All the poison in the world can make a person feel torn.

I’m better than that.
It’s to late to look back.

Live my life on the edge.
If I ever break it, push me over the ledge.

Falling down, I become just like the rest.
To stand tall is the ultimate test.

Living and bleeding a straight edge being.
-Kimberly Autumn

Love Vs. Mortality

2006-01-06T06:57:34Z

Your body was cold with just one touch.

Reality seems so far, out of sight and out of mind.

Running my fingertips across your purple lips.

All I want is one more kiss.

I close my eyes to shut this nightmare out.

All I can see is a lost romance without sound.

Playing for keeps, I could never share.

You we're my best winning prize.

Game over with a blink of an eye

Life can be so cruel and so unfair.

I forgive you for all the lies.

Just please come back to life.

Without you, I don't think I can survive.

Tomorrow the sun comes up, but it isn't going to shine.

Mourning oh mourning, all in good time.

The burial comes between us but you'll forever be mine.

-Kimberly Autumn

Blood Vows For The One I Love

2006-01-06T06:55:35Z

My heart is blood red and it bleeds for more.

The thirst is never ending but yet, I adore.

I’m trying to cope since the day you let go.

This relationship is dead, buried deep inside my head.

Screaming and suffocating from this self-inflected pain.

I let myself win against my own worst game.

Our souls can never be saved.

I can’t forgive and forget all of the sins.

I’m giving up, taking back, rising above the grave.

This coffin is for you, I’m your number one fan.

Your so selfish the way you hold on to my hand.

Cut me lose and let me live.

Let destiny take you away.

Inside the tomb, where your epitaph awaits to be engraved.

Close your eyes and remember the first time we met.

With this stake through your heart, ashes consume you and your left in flames.

A sick smile and a tragic ending.

I stand alone like I once did in the beginning.

To feed on my own is the best victory.

Broken, Breaking, Bang

2005-12-01T08:16:08Z

Heartbreaking is never done in vain.
For to trust is only for the sane.
Did you think I was another dumb whore who you could trick and train??

My fingers are numb and my eyes are starless.
I can’t fill your hand gripped tightly around mine.
To love is for the weak and again, my heart is diseased.

The poison you left in my veins is an idea of your sick games.
I’m tired and tainted from the territory you marked.
Your haunting presence still remains in my heart.

My self esteem is far from being abused.
The words you spoke left me bruised.
I feel as though I have nothing left to lose.

Black and blue, torn apart.
I wish I would’ve never liked you from the start.
Stupid to think that this would ever last.

Heartbreaking is for the broken, still picking up pieces another has smashed.
I’m done pretending and playing the part, for today I quit your apathetic cast.
You will always be the boy who never got in, you we’re a little to late and a little to fast.

Love is a gun and you pulled the trigger.
Remember me, the one who you murdered.
Your bloodstained hands are covered.

The bullet he left is a simple reminder.

Dance, Dance.. The story of my life

2005-11-12T11:28:04Z

Can you call me a friend? Possible your friends hate me and talk shit about me when they don't even know me or care to even know me anymore. I'm not trying to start drama or even get caught in the middle. Whatever vendetta they bleed, they are the one's who started it all. I tried to be nice.. I tried to keep my head high but bringing up the people who are against me is a simple reminder of my past. Pride dies fast in the grave. Friends are people who are there for you through thick and thin.. Even when I'm doing good people always have to bring me down. Just to let you know.. No matter what people will talk shit.

It's in your blood

2005-11-07T12:07:15Z

I can't stay over you. It seems we drive forever but can never get away from here, just one more try. I'm guessing you are over me, I guess it's bravery. Because it's black out the window while you sleep in the passenger seat.

So when it's always on your mind but you never speak of the name.
It's in your blood and face and I'm certain it's fame.

So I stayed out in the car because the weather had gotten to me. But its really these road signs and freeways that I cant take.

This can't be how you live. It's like a ball and chain around your waist or this simple state. Your mind's sick again. I'm tasting nothing but 4 words, please don't leave me. And it's Dark in the winter so your ideas start to sleep.

Well your head is spinning like that carousel, and I know you're a mess after 3 or 4. But if you make it different then we'll make our way to the surface, and you favorite place.

Where we sit, and we breath. Because I know all the word and I sing you everything. Well they're just thoughts so go ahead and speak.

Pick out what you like and call me when you're on the way. You can spend the night and hope to sleep all day. For me its just another week, twenty eight was once how I dreamed. And with your sent on my face I can leave and have you for days.

I still can't see you. The summer came and we got lost, all of us. You are nothing with out her. I still wont remember your face, the features mix too well with this alcohol.

So we cover ourselves in your fear, and stay to watch that moon disappear under these lights. This city's screaming at me. And as you breathe the words I better go. The sun is up and taking back all the shadows that covered this ground, and our feet, like a blanket of coal.

-Lydia

All the I-Love-You's Lost...

2005-11-03T08:14:22Z

We could never be just more than friends.

For love blinded us all in the end.
All the tears and time lost that I spent on you and yet you return to a girl who has lost all hope in you.

Hope is nothing but a memory.
A memory of you and me holding hands.
A memory of the drunken phone calls..
A memory that your friends took my place along with the drugs that you did to forget about your problems and to forget about me.

Yet, here I am wondering what would’ve been if I never let you go.

I'm far from okay.
I'm stuck in the pieces of him.
The pieces that feel apart when I wasn't good enough.

You call and I hear no emotion in your voice.
Your voice bleeds upon the wounds that you created.
When did you become so cold?
All those things you couldn't say, you should've said.

What if you never get another chance to tell me.

Love is blind. I was so silly to think that you would ever commit to me let alone marriage.
Remember when I told you I wanted to have your kids?.
Remember the time that I actually thought that you would be the one??

Our relationship came to an end.
Leaving you was one of the hardest things.
Sometimes I wish that I never met you.

Maybe it would be easy for me to trust guys or date them.
It's funny how the tables turned..
I'm the one who can never commit..
I'm the one who doesn't want to be loved but yet I still believe it.

For my reflection is nothing but vain.
I see myself now and think we would be perfect for each other.
We have grown up but still...
You can never be ready to fall in love with me all over again.

Dreams become reality when I notice things can never be the same unless we are lovers.
Deep down, love is a deadly game that we seem to play.

I used to picture us standing at the alter and me in a wedding gown.
Now, when I think about it.. the aisle is empty and I'm naked.
There is no gown.
There is no wedding.
There is no happiness.

I meet new people who could eventually take your place but then I remember forgetting about you is the hardiest thing I haven't yet triumphed over.

My heart is harder than stone.
I am nothing but a safe bet.
I don't believe that I'm getting any better.

Will I ever be okay?
All those time you said you loved me did you really mean it?
I'm losing who I am with ever memory I'm holding on to.
It doesn't bother me to be alone..
I just wonder If I'm alone in your head..

Your a good person. I know you are.
I remember the times before you started drinking and doing drugs.

You say I've changed but then I look at what you became and realize you point out my faults to cover your own.
I just wonder what your doing that’s so much fun without me by your side.

There's no more trying, no more chances, no more I love you's to shed..
Nothing.
Say what you need to say because you might not get another day.

All I ever did was love him.

Love is a slap in the face.
Love is betrayal by the only person I spent half my life knowing.

When you say you love me it's hard to believe because you can't spell believe without LIE.

I have one thing to say.. I've got all these memories that I can't not believe in, because I don't know where I've been all these years.

I gave up everything for him.
My morals, my time, my tears, my opportunity.
I just need to know that I will be okay.

The sad thing is… Days go by and it still feels like you’re here.
You are still haunting me.

I wake up and realize we aren’t together.
We aren’t married like you promised.
I’m not pregnant with your kid.

I’m simply just left with the mess you made out of me.
I’m stuck.
I’m running.

The only company I seek is misery.

I let you have your way with me.
And… I still can’t quit you.

In my heart.
In my dreams.
Inside of me.

I am afraid..

The ghost of you is alive…