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autumnxmourning

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Lie Believe War [23 Jul 2012|01:22pm]
[ mood | morose ]

I've still got passion.
I've still got guts, but I don't longer give a fuck about what you want.
You say I'm a savior and a saint?
Then lets stop pretending and put on the war paint!
Or do you refuse to open up old wounds, in fear that you'll actually have to feel?

We tried so hard, we tried to just pretend.
Pretend that things didn't change as the honeymoon set.
This house, this ring, the secrets shared in bed, were built on the faith in the foundation.
I feel the bend.

The fucking more I see who you've become, the more I lose sight of the love, that I once had in your brown eyes.
I used to be afraid that this would end, now I embrace it.
We are ships passing through the night.

We tried so hard, we tried to just pretend.
Pretend that things didn't change as the honeymoon set.
This house, this ring, the secrets shared in bed, were built on the faith in the foundation.
I feel the bend.

I see bright lights flicker ahead.
I see stars shining to their death.
I see you...

I don't know what to do.
Beautiful sunset, passionate kiss,
These things mean nothing when you can not come to term with the person who you are and who you're meant to be
You are separated by a sea of insecurities.
I've been digging, out from underneath.
An avalanche and it's taken twenty years to see that our reality is our own to create and the sooner that you realize, that sooner that you can change.

Or history will just hit repeat, and you will pass your poison down unto your
child's feet.
They will struggle, struggle to breath.
Cowering in shadows that you cast; they cannot see.
-Senses Fail

2 Of You Brought Me Your Love| post comment

Can't make a wife out of a Whore. [28 May 2007|11:52pm]
[ mood | drained ]

Just like a fairy tale. A day in my life where I can truly feel like a princess marrying, my true prince.

My dream wedding would be small, intimate and very personal. My wedding would probably take place at an ocean or a small church with beautiful stained glass windows and wooden pews or maybe even a candle lit wedding underneath the night sky, nature as our witness.

My wedding would be filled with my whole family and friends who supported me through out my life.

My wedding dress would be very modern and cutting edge. White as snow and elegantly graceful.

I can envision my shoes being glass slippers that shine so beautifully when I walk.

...And when I exchange my vows, I pray it will be through sickness and health.
Life and death…

I dream that I would only say it once my whole life but then again… It’s just a dream of what I envisioned.

And at the end of my tale, I will hopefully live happily ever after.

1 Of You Brought Me Your Love| post comment

Beauty In The Breakdown! [14 Mar 2007|11:10pm]
Someone asked me what was my definition of hardcore the other day.

So I replied...
My definition of hardcore isn't necessarily a certain band that outlines what "hardcore" really is. For me personally, it's all about a bands mentality and sound. In my life, hardcore IS aggressive vocals, truth, motivational lyrics and like-minded convictions. Hardcore is heart & soul.

First and foremost, I'm an individual.

I'm not confined to someone else's notion of what hardcore is.

I follow my heart and that's the beauty of it all.
post comment

[05 Mar 2007|01:28pm]
Alone.

I'll weep for the sunlight.

For I know something must change.



Everyone always listens to the mistakes, expecting heartache.

Something true I have always lacked.

The missing pieces to the puzzle of my life.

In the quiet, on my knees.



I wait and spend precious time making up for all the pain.

Lifting myself out of the darkness, I fail.

but my door, it always stands open.



Closed, I have failed again.

See the sadness in my lips?

Heavy heart, empty eyes.

Maybe it's bad luck.

Bad Blood?



Two good souls, up at night.

Nothing in mind, out of sight.

We knew the day would come.

A smile bright as the sun.

Shine onto me.



Stranded in Bed with one thing in mind.

Cold touch, warm thoughts.

Intoxicating delights.
Oh I sleep and yet I seek.

Can we share the blanket while being a world apart?



Veiling myself in a black and white world.

Black is the language in which I speak.

Anointing all that makes me bleed.

It swells, seeps, beats with seduction.

I'm drunk from such treachery.



Poisoning the light inside of me.

Can't you see it?

The light branches out.

It dies.



Picked in advance by the hand of fate.

Sufficient doubt, such a sight to see.

The color in my eyes, tells me I'm too late.

I can never be saved.



Take my hand concept of beauty.

Am I worthy to be revitalized?

Lay with me as if it was never planned.

Whisper in my ear my very fate.

Tell me it's not too late.



Take my hand, set a place for me.

The distance of time is unknown, but you are reassured.

Explain to me a new found hope.



For I will open my eyes.

Color returns to my face.

My smile becomes real.



Light the path with the sun that rises.

I awake from a dream.

Alone.

-Kim
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Panda Bear [05 Mar 2007|01:18pm]
The emerald butterfly smiles, puts a cherry to my lips
so sweet, I lean my head back
The white cloak turnes black-I close my eyes like I was sleep. I can see your face
Past six miles into dark tropical sea, and light of the sunny meadow-through a window of a streetcar named desire. I can see your face
It happened that night
you were revealed-I reach out with a whisper but you arent there
A kiss across my forehead, I can breath again
The emerald butterfly smiles. But I know when its a dream. You were a dream that should not have been
A fantasy

by:Iza
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My Heart bleeds No More [04 Feb 2007|02:37pm]
I will promise myself I won't care
distracting myself from your stare.

...and I've seen this mistake once before
with your games I will never fall for

I wanted to tell you, what really happened,
but how do I explain this? How do I explain everything?

...and it's something you can't explain.
when I'm choking on words you'll never say.

I can see it in your eyes.
You're broken down. Your hands are tied.

Bound and gagged, I cannot move or speak
these things I want to say, I can't explain them anyway.

I've never been one to put my trust in.
When did I become so weak, or have I always been?

I won't leave this way again.
I won't leave this way.

Don't cut me down just yet, I'll make things right again
Don't close your blinds on me, on me...

If I can make myself believe,
I'll give you back what you took away.

It was yours, yours to begin with.

A shattered memory that you would stay.
Through thick and thin with me

I bet you believe, that I'm better off with you than someone else.

Tragic endings are your thing, you love them

I've hung up my guns.
I won't kill again.
-Silverstein
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Your convictions smell of treason. [31 Jan 2007|11:16am]
I've learned to let go

Here's a middle finger
Coming straight from Ar-i-zona
I appreciate your judgement
it's proved that I can't trust a word you say
those must be some pair of binoculars
that you see every move I make
so I'll never be a liar
but you'll always be two-faced

You'll get what's coming to you
You're blinded by your instincts
I'm not your fucking game
I'm not so easily beat

I'm looking down at this mess that you've made
and I can't believe that I stayed
So unhappy for so long
Where did I go wrong?
I've got to get out of this
my hand is on the handle
We're leaving everything behind
Goodbye for a lifetime

I'll rip that scandalous bitch in two
We'll bring the noise

Try to pretend that I never even knew your name
'cause everything you are disgusts me
(Too bad I can't turn back time)
So I wouldn't be here
what I'd give for you to disappear
so tell me how's your edge?

You've got nothing better to do
I know why you can't see straight
I thought you were better than this
but you're just like everyone else

Get low
Now I know who my friends are
I'm never coming home
-A Day to Remember
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For those that have <3 [31 Jan 2007|09:48am]
a free lesson on growing up
make the best of their worst
and never compromise what you feel is right
i make a point to be powerful when i speak
be the one that gives them nightmares when they sleep
never back down from anyone

a free lesson on growing up
never trust anyone to the point
where your backs exposed
every person i've ever known was a fake
and you'll see your closest ones go first
who needs enemies you've got friends

this is my vengeance for all the wrongs
you've formed against us
you always get me wrong
my whole existence revolves around the progress that we've made
i'll never be walked again

spare the lecture on what it takes to make a man
cause you're weak and i'm strong

i will never falter
i'll stand my ground
-A Day to Remember
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we'll lay in bags as dead as leaves all together for eternity. [29 Jan 2007|11:51am]
Now I do as I please, and I lie through my teeth.
someone might get hurt, but it wont be me.


no, it isn't so hard, to get close to me.
there will be no arguements, we'll always agree.
and i'll try and be kind, when i ask you to leave.
we'll both take it easy.

And decided the rest of her life from that point on would be a lie
She was grateful for everything that had happened
And she was anxious for all that would come next
But then she wept, what did you expect

Such is life, she often said
With one day leading to the next
You get a little closer to your death
Which was fine with her, she never got upset

Someone's eating at you
wakes you up in the night.
If you're digging the past,
who knows what you'll find.

But life's no storybook.
Love's an excuse to get hurt.
-Bright Eyes
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Stretch MY Legs To Coffin Length [24 Dec 2006|03:07am]
Today my past
Has come alive to eat
All of the guts that I use to just keep my feet
Moving left and right
As my legs shake like trees
Oh how I curse the heavens for not taken me

GOD DAMN
This whole mess that’s me
I DON’T TRUST MYSELF
I’m in way too deep

And I awake
Much to my dismay
To find that I’m still staring at the same ceiling
I just wish once
I could get this right

And all I have is meaningless
And all I found is nothingness
-Senses Fail
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Pathetic.. I know. [20 Dec 2006|03:24am]
You say it's only me, and, that I'm so perfect for you.
I don't want to try no more,
I don't want to make this right.

What could you be doing that is so much fun?
Without me by your side,
Without me by your side.
And, I will take a step back, and, I'll let you ahead,
And, I will take a step away, and, see if you come back,
Because there's no more trying to make this so right,
Theres no more trying,
Theres no more trying tonight.

We'll never be the same.
-The Early November
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The Early Years(The Blood on My Hands) [20 Dec 2006|03:21am]
I've got a day and a reason
Why I should not believe in..anything, anymore
What's this for?
My time well spent
I've got all these memories that I cannot believe in
Cause I don't know where I've been all these years
All these years

And do you know this reason
I hope that you can see it cause I will not give up
And we all know what you've done again
I can see right through you
You're making your way over again..again

Two days after leaving and I don't have a reason to keep you from being here
I don't steer these thoughts away
I know that you know this but I could never get you to believe all my fears
Is this your clear?
I think so

And do you know this reason
I hope that you can see it cause I will not give up
and we all know what you've done again
I can see right through you
You're making your way over again..again..again..and again

And do you know this reason?
I hope that you can see it cause I will not give up
And we all know what you've done again
I can see right through you
You're making your way over again..again..again

And do you know this reason?
I hope that you can see it.
Cause I will not give up and we all know what you've done again
I can see right through you
You're making your way over again..
-The Early November
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Your hazel eyes paralyze my senses [19 Dec 2006|01:01am]
Is she better off without me triggering these emotions and thoughts. We have a lot in common. The most painful thing about our conversations is the fact that we both had our first love at a very young age. We reminisce in the memory of losing our innocence at such a vulnerable stage in our life. It's a chapter that has been locked away. It comes to life when we talk about it. Is this healthy, because sometimes I feel as though I infect other people with my poisoned thoughts. Maybe she is better off. It's just been hectic around here lately. I just want to write off the bad conversations.. the bad memories.. the bad thoughts.. and the dead emotion around me. It's time to start a new chapter in my life.
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Let me Sleep some more. [16 Dec 2006|04:03am]
holding my breath walking alone with you
i get to hear your voice again
if this is a dream maybe you'll stay with me
stay with me please stay with me

this is where we met
we're back here again

can you please keep talking to me now
tell me all about your new friends
and don't think i can't hear you now
i'm listening i'm listening

Love seems like a mess
when it won't let go of me
but when it's gone I don't feel
when it's gone
I don't feel alive
-Armor For Sleep
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Your itinerary has changed.Please review the complete details below. [15 Dec 2006|04:33pm]
Total distance: 1,940 mi away from Arizona.
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Her eyes were beyond tears. She was the very picture of mourning. [14 Dec 2006|08:39pm]
I won't pick out the lining of my coffin yet unless I am sure that color satin is me
Better yet go with crushed velvet, that way I'll be damn sure to enjoy eternity

My daily life writes the eulogy, engraved on tombstone diaries,
laid to rest with the passing of time

Seems to me that even love can die.


Can you taste my blood?
You knew that this would kill me.


I am the walking dead heartbreaker, my apologies.

I'm happy you'll never understand what
It's like to be trapped under six feet of solid glass,
I can see out, but no one gets in.


I used to be golden, a saint in a time of sorrow,
but then the turning came and I kissed the sun goodbye.
Don't you get it?


Undead or am I really dying
Who’s to say that this is eternity
Devoid of serenity

Here we go are all we all dead
What’s the stop?
Where’s the end?
What’s the stop?
Where do I end?

A wraith with an angel's body
A demon with a smile of gold

With flowers in her hair
I gazed upon with dead lovers eyes
She never looked so good
And I never felt so right

I'll never need to see the sun again
There's enough light in your eyes to light up our little world.
So take me, take my away.

Kill me slowly, I'll never be the same

The bite marks on my neck never felt so good.
I'm losing control and it's all that I can do
Not to blackout and fall into lust with you

Your kisses infect me
The dark gift is loving you

And I feel immortal and I want to make you feel the same
So stand by me as we immulate
We can burn in each other's arms

I'm taking blood oaths

I feel it welling up inside and Robert Smith lied, boys do cry
...and with blood tears in my eyes.

I'm an Anne Rice novel come to life
I can't hide the monster anymore

Into something the mirror doesn't recognize
I metamorphasize.

The darkness has been biding its time
To claim its latest victim

Fresh meat for carnal desires
To become what I became
I viewed the sun for the last time.

Will you still hold me when you see what I have done?
Will you still kiss me the same when you taste my victim's blood?
So crimson and red, I feel it flowing from your lips
My heart is dead and so are you.

I'll wipe the blood from my cheek and get on with my day
And all I have is hope, and all I need is time.

Will anyone remember my name?
When time has washed away the dust of our ashes
When my head rests in a velvet lined casket

What's out there?
What is my eternal fate?

And it only just recently hit me
That this life is just a state
Mortality fading, like the innocence of love.

I'm scared to death of what's to become
All those things that you couldn't say
You should've said
All those I-love-you's lost

Weighed more like lead on your chest.


I'm tying you up, using the nicest lace
Trying to kill you softly, trying to erase your face

Am I being too cryptic?
Am I being too obscure?

Love kills, romance is dead
And I don't even trust myself
But I love you
-Atreyu
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Quit Your Life [14 Dec 2006|08:37pm]
"Begging for you hands.
Screaming at your face.
Come with me Kid... We'll leave this place.

...So as my fingers curl, I move my lips just so you wont have to.
Dammit you clever girl, your style is keeping us from sleep."

So give in, let's give in.
-Lydia

These days have been full of sleep and a vision that plays memories over again and again inside of my head.
I sleep to shut out everything but yet I still dream of painful things.
I love my friends and I love my family but sometimes I just wish I could disappear.

No one will see me.
No one will hear from me.
No one will have to bother with me.

A vacation away from the world.

Wouldn't that be nice?

I'm going to lay down and read a book. I find it to be very relaxing.

Random Thoughts..
I can't wait to go back to school and get a degree in Anthropology Forensics.
I'm leaving soon to North Carolina on January 4th.
I love Christmas Lights.
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Okay I Believe You, But My Tommy Gun Don't... [14 Dec 2006|12:45am]
I have no inspiration for creativity these days.
Hopefully you can dig into your heart for a helping of forgiveness.
I'm simply busy seeking knowledge and find nothing but experiences that leave me bitter and pre-occupied. The truth of reality has never been so harsh. I've come to find an empty heart with too many rooms. Love is an afterthought of a dreadful memory. I find myself walking in circles.. repeating the same steps, hearing the same lines and falling for it every time. Head Over Heels for misery. I can't even think of a time where it ended happily ever after. It just ended. Left with nothing but harsh feelings, vindictive words and a loss of hope. I sleep away my emotion so I can't feel, think or remember. I have sadly loved and sadly failed. I've sadly cried and asked why?.

I keep my friends close and my family closer.
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Bleeding For A sXe Heart [05 Jan 2006|10:59pm]
I don’t ever want to be like them.
Always and never going to give in.

I’m proud of the choice I make.
Another mistake, I don’t think I can take.

Living my life one step at a time.
I don’t need sex, drugs, and alcohol to feel fine.

I’m an individual who stands against the norm.
All the poison in the world can make a person feel torn.

I’m better than that.
It’s to late to look back.

Live my life on the edge.
If I ever break it, push me over the ledge.

Falling down, I become just like the rest.
To stand tall is the ultimate test.

Living and bleeding a straight edge being.
-Kimberly Autumn
1 Of You Brought Me Your Love| post comment

Love Vs. Mortality [05 Jan 2006|10:56pm]
Your body was cold with just one touch.

Reality seems so far, out of sight and out of mind.

Running my fingertips across your purple lips.



All I want is one more kiss.

I close my eyes to shut this nightmare out.

All I can see is a lost romance without sound.



Playing for keeps, I could never share.

You we're my best winning prize.

Game over with a blink of an eye

Life can be so cruel and so unfair.



I forgive you for all the lies.

Just please come back to life.

Without you, I don't think I can survive.

Tomorrow the sun comes up, but it isn't going to shine.



Mourning oh mourning, all in good time.

The burial comes between us but you'll forever be mine.

-Kimberly Autumn
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